Appeared:
The Androgynous on May 24, 2014
Soccer season just ended for my 8 year old son. They won about as many games as they lost and I was definitely proud of my son for his performances. They weren’t the BEST team, nor were they the worst. Would I say they deserved a medal or a trophy for their season, though? Absolutely not! But, how did it end? The coach handed him and every other kid on the team a medal. The other coach did the same for his team. There was no rhyme or reason for the medal, and there definitely was no pomp and circumstance. It was simply handed to them and we went home. The only reason for them giving the kids medals was because each child’s parents already paid for it since it is included in the over-inflated price to play for the season. Period.
Trophies, trophies, trophies. It seems everywhere a kid goes and everything a kid does these days they are awarded with a trophy (or a certificate, ribbon, plaque, or even a “graduation” ceremony). As a mom of two boys that have started playing recreational sports and doing various activities, it has become apparent to me that the trophies NEVER end. They get trophies for soccer, basketball, T-ball, baseball, and even for participating in a play. I am aware that I am considered a member of the Millennial generation and that my generation happens to have another name for it, “Trophy Kids.” We are called that because it was with our particular age-group that our parents as well as the presiding organizations of the time decided that everyone should be awarded for participating (or “showing-up”) rather than promoting any type of competition. We were the first generation to be told that it’s only about the fun and it doesn’t matter who wins. We became the first generation to begin to EXPECT an award just for showing up. Now that mentality is intensifying with our own children.
To an extent, sports and activities SHOULD be about having fun and experiencing new things. Instead, by handing out participation trophies, we stop rewarding greatness and that encouragement for children to grow, improve, and strive for something. Thus, bringing those same children crippling disadvantages in the real world later in life.
Now, I am NOT saying that praising your children is a bad thing, when it is earned.You always want to try and support them in their hopes and dreams at least to a realistic extent. I don’t think encouraging a 5 foot tall teenager to aim for the NBA as a center or power forward is the most honest or intelligent thing to do. I definitely don’t think you should flat out tell your kids that they suck at a particular sport or that their drawing is crap and it’s not going on the fridge! We don’t need to put them down or negatively affect them,
“but praising just for the sake of self-esteem or trying to make them feel “special” is detrimental to their true self-image.”
Whether a child excels at a specific activity or not, there is always some way to honestly praise them. For example, if they truly don’t have ANY skill when they play basketball, but they are extremely motivated and have practiced every day for hours, you wouldn’t want to give them a false sense of accomplishment by telling them what an amazing player they are. You could praise their determination and hard work! What happens to the kid who was told repeatedly how amazing he was at soccer, but then tries out for the soccer team multiple times being continually told that he has no skill for the game?
What happens to those kids that are rewarded every day just for existing or just for showing up to school? Do you think their future bosses are going to praise them every day just for showing up? Will they get promoted because their mom or dad told them they deserved it? Sorry, but reality bites!
There is a difference between praising achievement and praising effort.
I believe that trophies and medals should be reserved for those that have truly ACHIEVED something.
Coaches should be empowered to award children for their individual accomplishments like most improved, hardest worker, or even perfect attendance, but do they deserve trophies for that? I’m going to say no. If we hand out trophies for the smaller achievements, what will the big achievements deserve? What does the MVP get on top of that participation trophy? What does the best all around player or team get? Are they now entitled to cash prizes or huge celebrations to offset the difference between the participation trophy and the big prize? No! The more awards we hand out for mediocrity, the bigger the rewards need to be for the major achievements. It gets a little out of hand.
The sad thing is is that most sports or activities for kids have taken all of the competition out of it. Many don’t keep score anymore, and if they do they will only allow a team to get ahead by so many points before they stop awarding them more points! I’ve personally watched players on my own sons basketball team get punished for scoring too many points! I have seen them try to wrap their heads around the fact that they just scored a three-pointer but the scoreboard didn’t reflect that achievement. It can be very disheartening for those kids who work their butts off and excel because of it. Very few leagues offer championship tournaments or even championship games. Everyone just plays the same amount of games with each kid playing an equal amount of minutes and then they are all handed trophies at the end.
That doesn’t sound like the type of culture I want my kids to live in, a world where talent, hard work, and achievement is ignored.
When we stop recognizing that there is such a thing as talent and skill and stop rewarding achievement, it takes away all encouragement and motivation to strive for excellence! When a child doesn’t have the opportunity to ever lose a game because the score is not kept, they never get the chance to learn how to lose! They never learn how to be a good sport and congratulate the team who won (even if they secretly hate them on the inside!). By taking away all chances of failure and rewarding everyone exactly the same, it lowers the status quo and promotes medioctiry as well as entitlement. Kids soon expect that they don’t have to work hard nor do they have to excel at anything because no matter how they perform, there will always be a trophy rewarded to them at the end.
lindseysmusings 